modern_madhouse's Xanga

smoke those stupid little cigarettes and drink stupid wine

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:00:11 GMT

yesterday was such perfect 'weeny weather, gray skies behind skeletal trees with every crunchy hue of orange on the ground, and a full moon at night. perfucktion.

such a good weekend until it wasn't any more. cleaning out the 'pod to find last november's playlist entitled "i wait, november." funny how some things just carry over, some points in the year tend to hold on to the same feelings no matter the circumstances. we'll spend all our lives just havin' lives and there'll be no time for any lies

FUSSING & FIGHTING, OCTOBER
1. sovereignty - japandroids
2. we can work it out - stevie wonder
3. party - el perro del mar
4. ghosts - cant
5. hellhole ratrace - girls
6. untitled - evan greer
7. bleeding powers - ted leo & the pharmacists
8. used to be - beach house
9. outta my head - m. ward
10. sweepstakes prize - mirah
11. just like honey - the jesus & mary chain
12. no one does it like you - department of eagles
13. i want you back - discovery
14. i need you - the beatles
15. no surprises - radiohead
16. the ballad of sir frankie crisp (let it roll) - george harrison
17. everybody cares, everybody understands - elliott smith
18. neighborhood #3 (power out) - arcade fire
19. when the day is short - martha wainwright
20. you can't force a dance party - dent may & his magnificent ukulele
21. five years time - noah and the whale
22. true love will find you in the end - beck
23. hold my life - the replacements

some things last a long time

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:06:40 GMT

i'm listening to "used to be" and wearing my devotion t-shirt and i want to be victoria legrand when i grow up, ok?

i am overwhelmed by blues and work and being the worst student journalist of all time. it's fiiiiiine. today looks like: lunch, midterm, study, test, crash. wake up and work more. it's a weird time of the year, because all real schools had fall break and this one's just dumping shit on us/me. i love this place, i do, i love what it stands for as an institution and i love the people i've met here and the shit i'm doing here and i'm positive i made the right decision to come here. i just miss my life, i miss my city, i miss my friends, i miss the comfort in being sad.

you can't force a dance party

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 08:04:43 GMT

today was the most authentic fall day i've had in what feels like years, or maybe ever. i woke up at 1 because i needed to, i walked with my hands stuffed in the pockets of my leather with "most of the time" on repeat and a crunch underfoot, a different orange on every tree and only the thoughts of bob dylan and warm coffee and cool-looking lesbians at diesel floating around. so i sat in diesel and crushed on the ginger at the coffee counter (i'm sleazy for ron weasley) and read for a few hours and had an egg&cheese that made me miss paradise and a coffee that didn't. last night i listened to "naked as we came" on repeat until it was time to fall asleep and tonight it will be "most of the time" because i can make it all match up, i can hold my own, i can deal with the situation right down to the bone, i can survive and i can endure and i don't even think about (you). most of the time.

your style is such a mess girl

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 05:20:47 GMT

here's a little story about how japandroids are the nicest band of all time and i generally miss living in new york city.

so todayyyyyy i was really super stressed out about my life and i was like ok i'll go sweat and scream at japandroids and life will be good. so i work for a while and then take the t for basically my whole life to harvard ave and i walk into great scott and they're like "you don't have a government ID, you can't come in" and the muttonchops guy is nice and gets me my money back but the ginger is bitter because i made him feel like an asshole. so the coathangers played and mical and i got pizza and i was sad and then adorable brian from japandroids was tuning his guitar in the window by the bar and so i wrote "i'll sing the beatles & you'll sing them better" on the back of my pizza plate and mical made me go bang on the window until he saw and then he motioned us inside because he thought we were asking him to play the song but then we told him what happened and he was like "i'm so sorry dear it's not us, it's the venue" in his adorable vancouver accent and then i was like I REALLY DIG YOUR BAND and he was so happy and shook my hand and asked my name and then told us he'd play "sovereignty" extra loud for us and then the merch guy came outside and gave us copies of post-nothing and japandroids pins and when they got on stage they said "this is for the girls who couldn't get in!" and played "heart sweats." they are the sweeeeeetest.

they're playing "don't speak" in brown and brew

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:59:19 GMT

new vampire weekend single - eh eh eh eh eh
i'd rather listen to blind willie johnson.
japandroids tonight, grizzly bear thursday (no craigslist death!)

i'll sing the beatles and you'll sing them better!

whither with the wind

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:44:24 GMT

i love thursday nights and i love when the moment is right to listen to "old man" and i love watching the sky at 4 am on the rez quad. i love waking up to really sweet text messages and watching the trees change color outside my window. i love sitting around in my underwear. i love "while you wait for the others." it's weird to think that it's the second day of october, and that this is actually my life right now.

"i'm on fire" - springsteen
"old man" - neil young
"stack o' lee" - mississippi john hurt
"olde tyme mem'ry" - erik petersen
"leaves that are green" - simon & garfunkel

can you tell me, socrates, can virtue be taught?

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:01:33 GMT

some things are good, some things are frustrating. some people are adorable and some people are scumbags. plato is cryptic but neko is simple. there's always a little give and take. there were a lot of trick-turned sour bears and madness in the fishbowl and misguided animosity and giddy sunny cigarettes and "won't you let me walk you home from school?" and giggles at fadi and exchanged mixtapes and hopeful glances and facebook creeps and missing my life. i've been swimming in a sea of anarchy, i've been living on coffee and nicotine (and dewick pizza), i've been wondering if all the things i've ever seen were ever real. i feel like blanche dubois. she'd rather be scarred than be scarred with love.

"don't watch me dancing" - little joy
"spectacle" - sean lennon
"love dog" - tv on the radio
"middle cyclone" - neko case
"raja vocative" - mountain goats
"natural disaster" - andrew bird
"daughter" - loudon wainwright III
"tiny ugly world" - alice donut
"carolina" - m. ward
"pale september" and "shadowboxer" - fiona apple

a morning beatific in the indian summer breeze on the day that america fell to its knees

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:28:07 GMT

yesterday was 9/11 and no one really said anything. It's weird to not be in new york anyway, but when something that monumental happens and no one can bring themselves to talk about anything besides wanting to wear heels but not wanting to suffer through them, it just feels lonely and I wanted to totally break down a thousand times over but I'm still at that stage where I'm nervous about what people think of me so i sat in my room and listened to "self-evident" for a while and thought about how the SHOCK was SUBSONIC and the SMOKE was DEAFENING between the SET-UP and the PUNCHLINE - because we were all on time for work that day, we all boarded that plane for it to fly. And I was ten years old and my mom worked a few blocks from the trade center and my grandma by the seaport was showering and had no idea what was going on because she can't really hear that well anyway and dad came to pick me and sydney up and i had the worst tomato soup and the worst turkey sandwich with the worst cranberry mayonnaise and i couldn't eat anything and i couldn't think about anything i just watched rudy giuliani on the tv in the barking dog luncheonette and was oddly comforted by that asshole for the first and only time in my life and worried about my mom and then i get to college which is just supposed to be one big communal experience and i don't feel connected to anyone except stella and except jack fleming and i don't want to talk to anyone about it besides my mom and the people who had the same big scary jarring experience. because as much as people in other parts of the country want to understand and they want to go see nic cage dressed up like he understands tragedy in an oliver stone production, you don't really want to know how it feels and you don't want to understand it or feel like a part of it, it is not a nice or good or comforting feeling it feels like my stomach is going to eat itself alive when i think about that day and the bodies and the uncertainty.

drink my beer and smoke my weed

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:18:05 GMT

i love college?

i loved august.

SAY WHAT YOU WILL, AUGUST
1. tsr (this shit rules) - against me!
2. wet hair - japandroids
3. sheela-na-gig - pj harvey
4. money changes everything - cyndi lauper
5. kiss me on the bus - replacements
6. sheena is a punk rocker - ramones
7. you belong to me - elvis costello
8. you make my dreams come true - hall & oates
9. firecracker - ryan adams
10. killer queen - queen
11. just like paradise - david lee roth
12. say please - monsters of folk
13. fables - dodos
14. northern lights - bowerbirds
15. you really got a hold on me - smokey robinson and the miracles
16. woodfriend - miles benjamin anthony robinson
17. houston, tx - deer tick
18. what we worked for - against me!
19. american pie - don mclean

farewell to the city and the love of my life, 'cause we left before we had to go.
fear and excitement fear and excitement fear and excitement.

YOU MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 07:21:39 GMT

high school in a nutshell. goodbye, oberlin friends! tomorrow i will ride the cyclone and think of you. i love my life.